On the Road to Forgiveness: Forgiving Others

Take a breath and know that you’ll be okay.

Think of a time when someone hurt you or hurt someone you cared deeply about. Maybe it was a small slight you brushed off, or maybe it was a deep betrayal that still lingers in your heart. Wounds like these can leave us feeling angry, guarded, or even hopeless about repairing the relationship. It’s natural to feel wronged. But when we keep replaying the hurt, it begins to shape our personal story and wellness, and can spill into our future relationships. Forgiveness is what allows us to move forward by choosing compassion and understanding towards others. (1) (2)

Forgiving Others is a Spiritual Strength

Letting go of anger is not weakness; it’s a habit of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t always come easily, especially when life feels unfair or when the hurt runs deep. But it can be something that leads us to grow even out of hard times. Choosing to forgive shifts our mindset: instead of being trapped by the pain, we begin to see new possibilities for healing and connection. Over time, forgiveness can lead us to develop unexpected strength. Psychologists call this post-traumatic growth, or the positive change that can emerge after we face painful experiences. (3)

Forgiving others means releasing resentment, anger, or displeasure toward someone who has wronged you without excusing the harm they caused or denying accountability. It can redeem us from hate. It also calls us to use humility: recognize your own capacity to hurt others and your own need to seek forgiveness at times. Across spiritual traditions, forgiveness is seen as both a gift we extend and a gift we receive. Practicing it restores trust, breaks cycles of anger, and builds the empathy that strengthens both our relationships and our spiritual lives.

While forgiveness shapes our overall spiritual health, forgiving others centrally supports the Relationships and Community facet. At its core, thriving spiritually means leaning into love and reflecting that love back into the world. Relationships & Community stands as the foundation of this work, grounded in the understanding that we grow into wholeness through connection with others. Forgiving others is one of the most loving acts we can practice; it clears the path for deeper belonging, empathy, and mutual healing. Let’s try it out.

A Spiritual Practice for Forgiving Others

Across the world’s religions, forgiving others is lifted up as one of the highest expressions of love. (2) (4) There are two ways we can practice forgiving others: internally and externally. (1) (2) (5) Each requires different strategies, and each offers its own path to healing.

Step 0: Take a breath and know that it’s okay.

Before you begin, center yourself on the present through your breath and prepare yourself to extend grace towards others. 

Step 1: The Internal Practice of Forgiving Others

Before speaking to the other person, you must decide to forgive. Internal forgiveness is about making a choice to release resentment so that anger no longer controls your feelings or words.

1. Reflect on the harm. Find a quiet space and think about the person who wronged you. Imagine them in your mind. Ask yourself: “What happened?” “How did it affect me?” Consider other circumstances that might have led to this moment. Acknowledge their flawed behavior, while also acknowledging that we are all (including you) flawed.
2. Make the decision to forgive. Say to yourself: “I cannot change what happened, but I can choose not to be bound by anger.”
3. Practice compassion. Try reframing your resentment into understanding with thoughts like: “They hurt me, but they are more than this act. I release them so I can be free.”

This internal practice of forgiveness is deeply personal. You may still feel hurt or anger coming in, but forgiveness is about your decision to live differently. Internal forgiveness can offer inner peace whether or not reconciliation with the other person follows.

Step 2: The External Practice of Forgiving Others

External forgiveness, or reconciliation, happens when you choose to express your forgiveness to the person directly. This can be difficult. It is not always safe or wise, but when it is, it can be a powerful step toward healing the relationship.

1. Commit to repairing the relationship. Now that you’ve made the decision to forgive, and have forgiven them in your mind and heart, decide if communicating that forgiveness can restore elements of your relationship. Research suggests that it can. (1) (2) (6) (7)
2. Choose the setting and extend an invitation. Pick a safe, neutral place like a coffee shop, a walk outdoors, or a calm conversation at home. Invite them to come talk. “I’ve thought a lot about what’s going on between us and I would like to talk if you are open to it.”
3. Once together, express the harm clearly. Use “I” statements: “When this happened, I felt [hurt, betrayed, unappreciated, etc.].” Begin with a calm and clear mind. Resist returning to any negative feelings that may come up when returning to the hurt. 
4. Offer forgiveness. There are many ways to say this depending on what happened. You know what’s best, but you can start by saying something like: “I want you to know I forgive you. I’m letting go of carrying this resentment and I’m ready to move on.”
5. Set healthy boundaries. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the need for accountability. Determine with them how you both should move forward. Take steps to rebuild trust where possible. You might say: “Going forward, I need honesty and respect between us.” If reconciliation is unlikely, or if it is an unhealthy relationship, you can say: “While I forgive you, I cannot continue to invest in us. I wish you well in your life, but I need to move on.”

External forgiveness communicates grace to the other person, even if they aren’t the best at receiving it. This practice may or may not lead to reconciliation, but it always opens the door for healing—for both you and for them.

Step 3: Holding the Practice

Forgiveness practices are most effective when they are consistently followed, in big moments and in small ones. Continue this practice regularly to see improvements in your capacities to forgive.

At its heart, forgiving others is an act of love. When we release resentment and extend grace, we join the long tradition of faith and wisdom that sees forgiveness not as weakness, but as the path to renewal, belonging, and spiritual health.

For more reading, see:

• Forgiving God
• Forgiving Yourself
• Seeking Forgiveness
• Nine Steps to Forgiveness | Greater Good
• The Path to Forgiveness: Six Practical Sections for Becoming a More Forgiving Person

References

1. McCullough, M. E., Pargament, K. I., & Thoresen, C. E. (Eds.). (2000). Forgiveness: Theory, research, and practice. Guilford Press.
2. Pettigrove, G., & Enright, R. (Eds.). (2023). The Routledge handbook of the philosophy and psychology of forgiveness (1st ed.). Routledge. https://doi-org.ccl.idm.oclc.org/10.4324/9781003360278
3. Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01
4. Heim, S. M. (2022). Monotheism and forgiveness. Cambridge University Press.
5. Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2006). The path to forgiveness: Six practical sections for becoming a more forgiving person: Self-directed learning workbook: An intervention to promote forgiveness. Virginia Commonwealth University.
6. Toussaint, L. L., Worthington, E. L., & Williams, D. R. (2015). Forgiveness and health: Scientific evidence and theories relating forgiveness to better health. Springer.
7. Worthington, E. L., & van Zyl, L. E. (2021). The future of evidence-based temperance interventions. Frontiers in Psychology, 12(1). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.707598