On the Road to Forgiveness: Spiritual Practices for Forgiving Yourself

Take a breath and know the mistakes you’ve made don’t define you.

We all fall short. Sometimes it’s in small ways, like not living up to the daily standards we’ve set for ourselves. Other times it’s in bigger ways, such as certain choices that weigh on us because they don’t reflect who we want to be. In both cases, it’s easy to get stuck in regret and the feeling that our mistakes define us. Forgiveness allows us to move forward. (1) (2)

Self-forgiveness is the practice that helps us move forward. It’s not about pretending our actions didn’t matter. It’s about facing what we’ve done honestly, taking responsibility, and then choosing to keep going with greater clarity and moral character. At its heart, self-forgiveness is a redemption story: acknowledging our shortcomings while persevering to do better in the future.

Perfectionism can trap us in cycles of shame when we fall short, but self-forgiveness helps us release the need to be flawless and grow through our moral imperfections instead.

Forgiving yourself can be hard, especially when shame or self-doubt keep you stuck. Things can get in the way, especially when we make big mistakes, but we all need a way to begin again. To become spiritually healthy, we must consistently practice self-forgiveness and keep moving forward. For many believers, self-forgiveness is a channel for God’s grace to work within us.

What Self-Forgiveness Is

Self-forgiveness means making peace with yourself when your actions don’t line up with your values. At its heart, self-forgiveness is about tending to the relationship you have with yourself. Just as forgiving others helps rebuild trust in relationships, forgiving ourselves helps rebuild trust in who we are. (3) (4) 

There are two ways this usually shows up in our lives:

• Everyday rhythms: Everyday rhythms: the small, ordinary moments when we fall short. This can happen when we snap at someone we care about, break a small promise, or let frustration get the best of us. These moments call for quick micro-moments of self-forgiveness so we don’t get stuck replaying them or turning them into shame.
• Big drumbeats: The heavier mistakes that shake our sense of identity require thoughtful self-forgiveness. Serious actions like lying, cheating, or deeply hurting someone else demand a deeper process of forgiveness, not to excuse the harm, but to help us come back to ourselves with honesty, humility, and a renewed commitment to do better.

Both rhythms and drumbeats matter. Together, they remind us that self-forgiveness is less about erasing the past and more about shaping who we become after our mistakes. In big and small moments, practicing self-forgiveness as an act of self-compassion keeps love close to our hearts.

A Spiritual Practice for Forgiving Yourself

Forgiveness is often thought of as something we give to others, but many religious and spiritual traditions from Judaism to Buddhism also emphasize the importance of self-forgiveness in the form of inner renewal, humility, and self-compassion. Taken together, they point to a common truth: forgiving ourselves is part of restoring spiritual wholeness and living with moral integrity.

On a piece of paper or in your head, try one of the most recommended practices to forgive yourself for big and small mistakes: (4)

Step 0: Take a breath and know that it’s okay.

Before you begin, center yourself on the present through your breath and prepare yourself to receive grace. 

Step 1: Acknowledge your wrongdoing.

Recalling what happened and taking responsibility is the first step. Let yourself feel the weight of what happened. Then, gently remind yourself: I am more than this mistake. Ask yourself:

“What did I do that fell short of who I want to be?”

“How did this choice affect me or others?”

Acknowledge how your actions hurt others, caused negativity, or did not live up to your personal standards. This process requires admitting our mistakes honestly rather than hiding from them.

Step 2: Offer yourself compassion and forgiveness.

Be honest, but also kind to yourself. Avoid excusing the harm, but don’t fall into harsh self-criticism either. Once you’ve named the wrong, practice self-compassion. Try saying:

“I made a mistake and I was wrong. I can do better. I am loved. I am forgiven.”

This reflects the mercy and compassion lifted up in many spiritual paths. Across traditions, the same grace we often show others, we are also invited to extend to ourselves. (5)

Step 3: Commit to growth.

Choose one small action to live differently going forward. It could be making amends, practicing patience, or simply writing down: 

“I am forgiven. I will continue this practice when I fall short again, 

though I will do my best to act in good faith.”

Forgiveness practices are most effective when they are consistently followed, in big moments and in small ones. Continue this practice regularly to see improvements in your capacities for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a virtue that penetrates your identity and improves your relationships with others and with God. (2) (6) Self-forgiveness improves the identity and ethics foundations that make our spiritual health flourish. Practice it with conviction and notice your spiritual health improve!

For more reading, see:

• Seeking Forgiveness
• Forgiving Others
• Forgiving God
• The Power of Self-Forgiveness | Psychology Today
• How to Forgive Yourself: Tips for Self-Forgiveness

References

1. McCullough, M. E., Pargament, K. I., & Thoresen, C. E. (Eds.). (2000). Forgiveness: Theory, research, and practice. Guilford Press.
2. Pettigrove, G., & Enright, R. (Eds.). (2023). The Routledge handbook of the philosophy and psychology of forgiveness (1st ed.). Routledge. https://doi-org.ccl.idm.oclc.org/10.4324/9781003360278
3. DeMarco, M. J. (2024). 6-fold path to self-forgiveness: An interdisciplinary model for the treatment of moral injury with intervention strategies for clinicians. Frontiers in Psychology, 15. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1437070 
4. Vismaya, A., Gopi, A., Romate, J., & Rajkumar, E. (2024). Psychological interventions to promote self-forgiveness: A systematic review. BMC Psychology, 12(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-024-01671-3
5. Heim, S. M. (2022). Monotheism and forgiveness. Cambridge University Press.
6. Toussaint, L. L., Worthington, E. L., & Williams, D. R. (2015). Forgiveness and health: Scientific evidence and theories relating forgiveness to better health. Springer.