On the Road to Forgiveness: Seeking Forgiveness

Take a breath and know the mistakes you have made do not define you.

All of us know what it feels like to wrong someone. Sometimes we say things we wish we could take back. Maybe we failed to take others’ feelings into consideration, or didn’t follow through on promises we made. At other times, we make decisions that cut deeply into the trust of a relationship, even if the other person never finds out. And sometimes we do things we know are wrong in the moment, and the weight of that choice lingers. These moments, whether small or serious mistakes, point to regret, yet regret alone doesn’t repair broken trust. To move toward spiritual health, we often need to seek forgiveness from ourselves, others, and God.

Seeking forgiveness is an act of honesty and humility. It usually takes some courage to name what went wrong and recognize how our actions affected another person, and then expressing a genuine desire to restore trust in the relationship. We first seek forgiveness by apologizing. Apologies in daily life help us clear away small hurts before they build up, while deeper apologies for more serious wrongs show that we understand the seriousness of what has happened and want to make it right. (1) (2)

Many faith traditions value the practice of seeking forgiveness. (3) Confession and repentance in Christianity, teshuvah in Judaism, and istighfar in Islam all point to the truth that spiritual repair requires more than forgiving ourselves. It requires turning outward, to God and to others, with sincerity. Whether practiced in prayer, in community, or in the everyday spaces of life, seeking forgiveness is a way of living with integrity and making peace where there has been pain.

A Spiritual Practice for Seeking Forgiveness

Seeking forgiveness is a way of restoring peace with God, others, and within ourselves. This practice, whether big or small, invites us to humble ourselves, take responsibility for our wrongs, and to express our desire for reconciliation through both honesty and compassion. (4)(5) (6)

Step 0: Take a breath and prepare yourself.

Begin by centering yourself with your breath. Seeking forgiveness requires us to be vulnerable and brave, and so it is natural to feel nervous or resistant. Acknowledge your discomfort or anguish, then remind yourself that facing a wrong is the first step toward spiritual healing.

Step 1: Seek forgiveness from God.

Many traditions emphasize confession, repentance, and prayer as the path toward forgiveness. This practice can be simple, but does require focus:

a) Name the wrong: Quietly or in prayer, acknowledge what you have done.

b) Express remorse: “God, I am sorry for what I’ve done. I know it was wrong.”

c) Ask for grace: “Please forgive me, and help me to live differently.”

d) Commit to change: End with a simple plan of action, such as making amends or practicing greater patience and good will.

This step mirrors the practice of Forgiving God, by using honesty, lament, and recommitment to create space for a renewed harmony with the divine.

Step 2: Reflect before approaching the other person.

Be prepared for how you want to seek forgiveness. Consider what you will say and rehearse it.

a) Think through or write down what happened in detail.

b) Ask yourself: “How did my actions affect them?” “What could I have done differently?”

c) Think about what you would want to hear if the situation were reversed.

d) Reflection builds awareness and helps you avoid offering only a surface-level apology.

Step 3: Find a safe space. Tell the story honestly.

When you approach the other person, share the story of what happened in a way that shows your awareness and responsibility. Avoid making excuses at all costs. A simple framing could be:

“When I did [X], I realized it caused [Y]. I see how that has affected you and our relationship.”

Storytelling to recall the hurt signals that you truly understand how you’ve wronged them, which makes your apology feel genuine rather than rehearsed. Say enough, while not saying too much.

Step 4: Say the words sincerely.

Offer a clear, simple apology: “I am sorry for what I did. It was wrong, and I regret it.”

Tips: Keep your words direct. Avoid phrases like “I’m sorry if you were hurt” (which shifts blame). Avoid blaming the person you hurt, by saying something like, “I am sorry for hurting you, but I only did [X] because you did [Y].” Shifting blame only causes more hurt. Allow silence after your sincere apology so they can respond in their own time.

Step 5: Ask directly for forgiveness.

This may feel vulnerable, but it shows humility and honors their freedom to choose. You might say: “I hope you can forgive me, even if it takes time.”

Step 6: Commit to repair.

Seeking forgiveness is incomplete without a plan to live differently. Offer a small act of repair (e.g., restitution, rebuilding trust, specific changed behavior).

Say: “Here’s what I will do to make this right. I want you to know I am committed to change.”

Step 7: Hold the practice.

Sometimes forgiveness is granted immediately, sometimes not. Either way, your responsibility is to keep living into humility and repair. If the hurt returns, repeat the rhythm: reflect, acknowledge, apologize, recommit.

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References

McCullough, M. E., Pargament, K. I., & Thoresen, C. E. (Eds.). (2000). Forgiveness: Theory, research, and practice. Guilford Press.
Pettigrove, G., & Enright, R. (Eds.). (2023). The Routledge handbook of the philosophy and psychology of forgiveness (1st ed.). Routledge. https://doi-org.ccl.idm.oclc.org/10.4324/9781003360278
Heim, S. M. (2022). Monotheism and forgiveness. Cambridge University Press.
Worthington, E. L., & van Zyl, L. E. (2021). The future of evidence-based temperance interventions. Frontiers in Psychology, 12(1). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.707598
Wade, N. G., Hoyt, W. T., Kidwell, J. E., & Worthington, E. L. (2014). Efficacy of psychotherapeutic interventions to promote forgiveness: A meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82(1), 154–170. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035268
Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2006). The path to forgiveness: Six practical sections for becoming a more forgiving person: Self-directed learning workbook: An intervention to promote forgiveness. Virginia Commonwealth University.