Summer 2025: Practices for Connection

Reimagining the Ignatian Examen: Fresh Ways to Pray from Your Day, Mark E. Thibodeaux, SJ

Bio: Mark Thibodeaux serves as novice director for Jesuits in formation and is an expert on the topic of prayer and discernment. 

Why do we like this book? 

Prayer is the most commonly practiced of the spiritual practices. Given that so many of us pray, there ways that we can practice that have the power to help us grow purposefully and draw us closer to God and ourselves. The ancient practice of a daily examen, or in Eastern traditions a practice of introspection, asks us to reflect on our day. How did it go? What are we grateful for? Are there areas where we might improve? Do we need to ask for forgiveness for something?  This book offers 33 Prayers of Examen to explore. I particularly love Examen #18 because it maps perfectly to the Thrive Center’s notion of thriving.   

How might incorporating The Examen into my practices help me grow more whole? 

Rather than providing God with a list of needs and desires, this practice starts of gratitude – a psychologically powerful practice that is linked to wellbeing and even longevity.  Gratitude helps us reframe our days and focus on how we have been blessed.  This daily practice then asks that we examine the day and really consider in an open way how it went. Were there places where we felt that we were at our best and joyful?  Where did we fall short and how can we do better tomorrow?  This short (meant to only be a 10-15 minute daily practice) time spent with God ends with asking for forgiveness for our shortcomings and giving the day to God. We come into a deeper relationship with the divine through this practice, and we also learn about ourselves so that we can be purposeful and grow in our abilities to live into our values.  

What is a practice in this book that we like?

Examen 18 God, Others, Self (abridged from p. 44-45)

1. I thank God for one or two blessings, big and small, that I’ve received today.
2. I reflect on my relationship with God. I talk to God about it.  How is our relationship going?  Do I feel close to or distant from God right now? Have I spent quality time with God or have I been neglectful?  I ask God to reveal to me his perspective on our relationship.
3. I talk to God about my relationship with others at this moment.  How is my disposition?  Am I grumpy? Friendly? Passive? Affirming?  Is there a particular relationship that has been unusually good or unusually sour?  I speak to God about this and ask for His perspective.
4. I talk to God about my relationship with myself and how it’s been going lately.  Do I like myself nowadays?  Am I proud of myself? Mad at myself? Tender with myself? Harsh with myself?  I speak to God about this and as for His perspective.
5. I ask God what to do about these relationships as I move forward.  What gradual shifts might I make? 
6. What might I specifically do tomorrow about these?
7. I ask God for help as I pursue these things.  

The Miracle of Mindfulness – An Introduction to the Practices of Meditation, Thich Nhat Hanh

Bio: Thich Nhat Hanh, winner of the Nobel peace prize, was a Buddhist monk who lived much of his working life in exile from his native Vietnam. He was influential in bringing mindfulness practices to the west.  

Why do we like this book? 

This classic book teaches how to practice mindfulness, as well as introduces Buddhist philosophy. Reading about a variety of faith traditions helps develop a deeper understanding between people.  For those who want to learn mindfulness from the master, this is the book for you.  

What does mindfulness have to do with spiritual health?

Mindfulness makes us more present in our lives, and we can use the techniques to find more peace and know ourselves better through observing our thoughts and emotions in a non-judgmental manner. Healthy spirituality points us toward love and compassion, and mindfulness techniques have been shown to develop a sense of connectedness between people, and thus developing compassion. These techniques also slow us down and stimulate our vasovagal system, also linked to lower rates of anxiety and other mental health issues.  

What is a practice in this book that we like?

This practice of watching and lengthening the breath provides clear guidance on how to begin to pursue mindfulness.  His guidance is as follows. 

“In the beginning, the practitioner should lie on his or her back, on a thin mat or blanket, the two arms loosely at the sides.  Don’t prop your head on a pillow.  Focus your attention on your exhalation and watch how long it is.  Measure it slowly by counting in your mind: 1, 2, 3…After several times, you will know the ‘length’ of your breath: Perhaps it is 5.  Now try to extend the exhalation for one more count (or 2) so that the exhalation’s length becomes 6 of 7.  Begin to exhale counting from 1 to 5.  When you reach 5, rather than immediately inhaling as before, try to extend the exhalation to 6 or 7.  This way you will empty your lungs of more air. When you have finished exhaling, pause for an instant to let your lungs take in fresh air on their own.  Let them take in just as much air as they want without making any effort. The inhalation will normally be ‘shorter’ than the exhalation. Keep a steady count in your mind to measure the length of both. Practice several weeks like this, remaining mindful of all your exhalations and inhalations while lying down.” (p. 18-19)

Braving Difficult Decisions: What to Do when you Don’t know what to Do, Angela Williams Gorrell

Bio: Angela Gorrell is an ordained minister in the Mennonite Church USA and has held teaching and research positions at Yale, Baylor and Fuller Seminary. 

Why do we like this book? 

Gorrell writes in such an open and vulnerable way about her life as she works through a decision to end her marriage and leave her tenure track job. When writing this book, she was struggling with how to make good decisions, sought guidance from books, and found them devoid of any reference to how our spiritual lives might our guide decisions.  She has written a book that fills this gap and helps us tap into our intuitions and the voice of God’s guidance. As she shares her journey, she offers practices for how to make decisions with our whole selves, including our spiritual selves.  

How does our spirituality impact how we make decisions?

While my particular worldview doesn’t include notions of predestination or an overarching, specific plan for my life, I do see God working in my life in specific ways that draw me nearer and challenge me to live in ways that are generative and loving.  That being said, so many big decisions we make involve choices that might cause hurt whether intentional or not (divorce, firing people, setting boundaries). Developing a process for navigating life in a way that integrates our whole selves, and is aligned with our values, is a pretty necessary step toward living into our purposes. If you are struggling with a big decision or stuck in any way, and want someone to walk alongside you as you discern, this book is a great companion.  

What is a practice in this book that we like?

Gorrell offers simple prayers as guidance for making big decisions in life. Each chapter of her book is framed around a question and how you might address it.  

Page x offers a list of Questions and Prayers that we love.  Here are the first five of them. 

Chapter 1: Stirring

Question: What is happening?

Prayer: Help me.

Chapter 2: Surrendering

Question: Where do I start?

Prayer: Be with me.

Chapter 3: Seeking

Question: Who should I ask for advice?

Prayer: Speak to me.

Chapter 4: Sensing

Question: How do I deal with my feelings? 

Prayer: Steady me.

Chapter 5: Summoning

Question Who am I?

Prayer: Inspire me.

How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D.

Bio: Dr. Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist who works through Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD). 

Why do we like this book? 

Dr. Hendrickson addresses the problem of social anxiety that we have experienced personally and have also seen affect people we love. She offers practical advice for dealing with social anxiety. Her book is a guide for changing your anxious mind.  It’s estimated that 15 million U.S. adults and teens suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) and up to 13% of the population experience symptoms related to social anxiety, so if you don’t have a problem with social anxiety, it’s likely that you know someone who does.  

What does managing social anxiety have to do with spiritual health?

There are a couple of answers to this question. One, our spirituality should point us toward living into the fullness of our lives, and we need to know and understand ourselves in order to do so.  As we learn to regulate our emotions, developing skills to downregulate and also to upregulate – working to experience more positive emotions and relationships, we can grow more fully into ourselves. The second is that we are relational beings, and social anxiety keeps us from building the kinds of relationships and communities that we need to feel loved and supported and whole.  

What is a practice in this book that we like?

Hendricksen names the problem of our Inner Critic which kicks our social anxiety into gear.  She offers a series of questions to think through and question our anxious and often shame based thoughts.  

When dealing with anxiety, ask yourself,

““What’s the worst that can happen?”

Answer as precisely as possible; remember: specify, specify, specify. Then ask:

“How bad would that really be?”

“What are the odds?”

“How could I cope?”

…You’ll replace your worst-case scenarios with something less heart-pounding, and more realistic.” (p. 96- 97.)

Our New Social Life – Science-Backed strategies for Creating Meaningful Connections, Natalie Kerr and Jaime Kurtz

Bios: Natalie Kerr and Jaime Kurtz are both Psychology Professors at James Madison University and they have researched how to help people cultivate deeper connections in their lives. 

Why do we like this book? 

This very practical book offers strategies to help solve one of the biggest problems facing people today – the problem of social isolation. The loneliness people experience signals the fundamental need for connection. The authors explain why our modern society has us both connected virtually and disconnected – and what we can do to address the situation.  I particularly like the list of Takeaways from each chapter that summarize practical next steps. 

What does our social life have to do with spiritual health?

Our religious and spiritual practices should point us toward love. Love of God (or what you name your source of transcendence) and love of others. Healthy spirituality develops our capacities to be in reciprocating relationships with others and for others. In other words, we cannot become all that we are meant to be in isolation, nor can we know ourselves and our purposes. Social support and the love we receive and give in the context of relationships are fundamental for our wellbeing and we need to develop practices in this modern age to keep us connected. 

What is a practice in this book that we like?

The authors suggest “Connecting through Positivity” as a way to turn an acquaintance into a friend.  They quote former surgeon general, Vivek Murthy, as saying, 

“Most of us are interacting with lonely people all the time, even if we don’t know it.  And due to the state of hypervigilance that loneliness creates, many of these people will be anxious and on edge.  For someone in such a state, kindness can be a disarming force. One never knows when a moment of appreciation for generosity can open the door to connection for someone who is struggling alone.” (p. 68)

The three specific strategies for engaging others with kindness and that can actually be understood as spiritual practices are:

1. Give Genuine Compliments (p 68-70).  “Express admiration in a warm and sincere way. Be careful to avoid commenting on appearance or offer a complement prior to asking for a favor. Avoid playing into stereotypes, because you might end up hurting someone’s feelings, but be brave and really notice something great about another person – and then tell them.”
2. Express Gratitude (p. 70-71) “Think of someone to whom you’d like to express gratitude and simply start writing (or typing).  If it’s been a while, you might need to remind them of exactly what they did (they might not even realize that they’d done anything special!)  Tell them how they have impacted you and continue to impact you. Write in a voice that is authentic to you and the nature of your relationship.”
3. Help Out (p. 72-73)  Act in prosocial ways. “What are you passionate about? “Consider channeling your energy into a cause that has in-person meetings or events (rather than a fully online group) so you can meet people and have a chance to connect.”