Becoming a More Competent Leader

“…the more we think God is American, as Americans, the less we probably actually know God…” – Dr. David Wang

Each person is beautifully unique, a blending of our genetics, our environments and experiences, yet it’s common for us as leaders to fall into the trap of thinking that other people think like we do, or should think like we do! Recognizing our differences and engaging in a “vibrant variety” of relationships invites us into the depths and richness of life—improving the quality of our connections with others and expanding our knowledge of ourselves. Humans need relationships and if the goal is to have relationships where we are not only known, but truly know others, we need a deep curiosity about others. What does it feel like to be them? Why do they think the way they do? What do they have to teach us? Psychological research in the area of “intercultural competency” sheds light on how leaders and aspiring leaders can engage others with curiosity, patience, and humility. 

What does it mean to be inter-culturally competent? 

Intercultural competence involves understanding others while also holding on to a strong sense of ourselves. Experts in this area use the term “self-other relating,” which refers to how our sense of self impacts our relationships with others. Self-other relating enables us to find common ground or further differentiate ourselves from others depending on the degree to which we see ourselves in others.

Inter-culturally competent people tend to be better and more flexible communicators, collaborators, students and teachers—being inter-culturally competent involves various inner capacities such as tolerating ambiguity, empathizing with others, and seeing others for who they are. 

What are some of the skills required for intercultural competence?  

Studies on intercultural competence find that there are particular skills that enable us to more fully know others. Developing intercultural competence involves many things, but there are three factors that are useful to practice.

1. Perspective shifting
2. Embracing patience
3. Humility

Practice perspective-shifting

Perspective-shifting helps us see others fully. It’s like putting on prescription glasses for the first time and realizing how much we missed seeing because our vision was impaired. Perspective-shifting is the experience of choosing to look beyond our own experience with curiosity and a willingness to learn from someone who sees the world differently than we do (and we all see the world uniquely and differently based on our life journey, our culture, and our context). When we are able to see the world through someone else’s perspective, we are also able to give and receive care and love in a manner that is flexible and adaptable to the many ways human care and love are embodied. 

And this curiosity extends to our relationship with God as well. Our conceptualization of God can be limited by viewing God as being similar to us. “Christian spirituality emphasizes the process of maturing in differentiated capacities to love both God and neighbor” (Sandage & Jensen, 2023). Learning to know and love our neighbors helps us to learn to know and love God. This type of spiritual growth isn’t easy; if it were, we would observe more of it than we do. We don’t need to look far to see Christian leaders wrestling with understanding how to love well. Growing as relational beings requires us to recognize that not everyone is going to relate and give and receive love in the same way we do. Perspective-taking is particularly important for leaders because it changes the way they lead. It asks that leaders prioritize seeing others rather than being seen, and develop an intentional practice of curiosity and care.

Practice patience

Patience is a virtue that is rarely modeled by leaders today. With the immediate pressures to respond and mitigate crises, leaders often find themselves stuck in cycles of hurry and worry. To become competent at anything in life, we have to pause to reflect on who we are becoming and where we are going. Patience can be cultivated through creating intentional times for rest, meditation, prayer and reflection. We cannot see clearly all the time, and this is more the case if we never take time to look away or close our eyes. The constant pressure to work and be productive takes an emotional and spiritual toll on leaders today. Relationships deepen slowly over time, with seasons of active work and intentional rest and reflection interspersed. 

A practice of meditative prayer allows the development of a deeper sense of self-awareness and presence, which is crucial for navigating complex cultural interactions (Jankowski & Sandage, 2013). People who practice intentionally praying for others develop qualities like patience and compassion which are building blocks for effective cross-cultural communication. The integration of prayer as a consistent practice can enhance one’s capacity for intercultural competence by promoting both personal well-being and relational understanding (Jankowski & Sandage, 2013). 

Practice humility 

Cultivating intercultural competence requires humility. The key to humility isn’t self-debasement, but rather an accurate view of oneself. Seeing oneself clearly and honestly is an ongoing process and a building block for healthy relationships, whether in our relationship with God or with others. A humble approach helps us celebrate the diversity of the people we encounter, and by humbly seeking to know others, we can learn more about ourselves. Our growth comes from understanding that the differences we observe in other people are not a threat to who we are, but can help us grow who we are becoming. 

A Practice: Questions for Reflection

Imagine a gathering where each person brings their distinct viewpoint, political views, and perceived status into the conversation. Those gatherings can become fraught with tension and upset if approached without the necessary perspective-shifting, patience and humility. This process becomes quite complex for leaders who engage diverse communities, trying to build bridges and find unity, celebrating the “vibrant variety” in our country.  

Consider the following questions:

1. How often do you prioritize time to engage with people who think differently than you?
2. How often do you have space to step away from your context to rest?  How often do you engage in intercessory prayers or meditations of compassion? 
3. How often do you choose to lead with humility versus certainty? How easy is it for you to admit when you don’t know an answer or when you’ve made a mistake?

These questions are designed to help you think about how you’re already engaging in practices that cultivate intercultural competence. As you reflect on these questions, consider how you might integrate more time with people who think differently than you or who have had different life experiences. Perhaps, your work requires that you engage with people who look or who think vastly differently than you do. Consider your current season of life, your obligations as a leader, and your capacity to embrace discomfort. Creating more opportunities for rest and reflection and time to pray could benefit your emotional and spiritual health. Leaders often need to reflect deeply on their discomfort. 

At the most fundamental level, we need relationships, and developing intercultural competence helps us grow in those relationships through curiosity, patience, and humility. This process of developing competence moves us toward wholeness and supports our growth as leaders in the communities we serve.  

References 

Jankowski, P. J., & Sandage, S. J. (2013). “Meditative Prayer and Intercultural Competence: Empirical Test of a Differentiation-Based Model.” Mindfulness, 5(3), 360-372.  

Paine, D. R., Jankowski, P. J., & Sandage, S. J. (2016). “Humility as a predictor of intercultural competence: Mediator effects for differentiation-of-self.” The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 24(1), 15-22. doi:10.1177/1066480715615667 

Siegel, D. J. (2007). The mindful therapist: A clinician’s guide to mindsight and neural integration. New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.