Finding Joy in Silence

Why do we Need Silence?

I want to convince you that silence is a practice that will change your life, especially in the world we live in with the constant noise, pressures, and uncertainty.  Research shows that silence reduces stress, improves creativity and concentration.  Silence as a spiritual practice can increase awareness of God and offers the possibility of re-wiring the brain into new narratives.  We need narratives that connect us with a loving source.

Canceling the Noise

Sitting down to coffee with a friend, she told me what she was learning at an AI conference about noise-canceling headphones. I leaned in as she shared the difference between active and passive noise control. Simply stated, noise-cancelling AirPods work differently than over-the-head headphones. One actively sends sound waves into your ear to cancel noise; the other blocks noise with an ear cup and foam. How fascinating the science that creates silence.

Science and headphones are in no way my expertise, but how silence is created piqued my interest—actively and passively—engaging with noise to decrease it and build constructs to deflect it. What do we do in our lives as we engage with noise, and what practices or habits can help deflect it? And why would we want to do that? 

The Demands of Noise

When we think of silence, we often imagine solitude alongside it. Solitude and silence go hand in hand as solitude is one way to have silence. Silence from words, expectations, demands, and more. In solitude, we remove the possibility of noise, so in many ways, solitude acts like a barrier to deflect noise. Yet silence does not require solitude. One can be silent in a room full of people. In many ways, silence responds to the demands that noise asks of us. We drive by a billboard that demands a bigger house; we hear music that demands our souls be stirred, and we listen to a young child with curious questions requiring answers. Many times, the noise around us is demanding something from us. What if silence was the gift of keeping the demands of noise at bay and laying down our need to respond? In this way, we actively face the noise with silence. “We can do so through a pause or letting words roll off our backs rather than responding to them.” 

This can be likened to the invitation of Jesus, who says, “Come to me, lay down your burden and pick up mine, for what I ask of you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 paraphrased). Silence can shield us from the demands of noise, allowing us to hear God’s voice and the good things God calls us to do in our lives. 

The Narratives of Our Inner World

As our lives are filled with silence from the outside, our inner world might be even noisier. When sitting in a quiet place, what often comes up are our to-do lists, our expectations of ourselves, and the stories we tell in our minds. Just as the outer world demands we listen and respond, our inner world has its demands. Often, these demands come with narratives of should, shame, and getting stuff done. These narratives grow loud and uncomfortable, so we immediately seek to quiet the inner noise through something outside us. The trouble with that approach is that  we  cover up the narrative rather than facing it. In Jesus’ wilderness experience, he was given narratives from the outside to consider on the inside. He immediately responded with the words of God (Matthew 4:1-11). Silence can bring up the ways we are discontent or dissatisfied. It can bring up the places we would rather not go, but there are two invitations, the first is to sit and observe the thoughts we are having, understanding that they are just that, thoughts and narratives we have created for our lives, and that we can change, the second powerful option is the invitation to allow God to meet us with God’s words and re-narrate our stories. 

Learning Silence

Silence is a familiar practice in the history of humanity, yet it is a practice that must be taken up and learned. Just like any other new practice, resistance and struggles come with it. Some resistances include fear.

Resistances such as:

– What stories and people will I be reminded of that are too painful to remember?

– If I get quiet, I will be overwhelmed by what I need to do.

– What will I miss out on that I need to know about?

– Will I feel lonely with nothing but my thoughts?

Struggles are part of the realities we live in.

Struggles such as:

– People always surround me.

– My world is always at the mercy of interruption.

– I don’t have the time or luxury of silence in my life.

Just as resistance and struggle come with a new practice, so do opportunities for breakthroughs. Leaning in, persevering, and getting creative often lead to breakthroughs.  

Centering Prayer as Practice

Centering Prayer is one practice that involves leaning in, persevering, and getting creative. It is both an active noise cancellation and a passive noise cancellation. Both AirPods and Beats headphones. Centering prayer is a silent prayer practice. It does not involve speaking words. This type of prayer focuses on a word or truth of who God is, often drawn from Scripture, that serves as a re-centering word or phrase when the person is distracted in their silent prayer time. The person actively meets the inner noise with a word or truth. The passive part is choosing a space and time where the world is silent. Simply choose the space and time and allow that silence to serve as a shield. Often, this practice involves solitude, but it doesn’t have to. Practicing Centering Prayer in solitude alone or with a group of people and practicing together is suggested. 

Instructions:

In centering prayer, you will spend 10 minutes in silent prayer. 

As your mind gets distracted, you will “re-center” by focusing on a word or phrase from Scripture.

To choose your re-centering word or phrase, read Psalm 23 (or another passage) a few times. Choose a word or phrase that will serve as your “re-centering” word or phrase during your time of silent prayer. 

Now, set a timer (with a quiet alarm) for 10 minutes. Get into a comfortable seated position and start the timer. Anytime you get distracted mentally (for example, a to-do list comes up, a worry comes up, you start daydreaming, etc), center yourself using your word or phrase. Remember, during Centering Prayer, you are making way for your inner world to be quieted so that you might hear God’s voice above all other noise. 

When you hear your alarm, come out of the prayer time slowly. 

Make a note of anything that comes up during your prayer time. You may have noticed a story or person repeatedly coming up. Maybe it was something in your body you noticed. Pay attention to what comes up and offer it to God, asking for God to continue to meet you throughout your day.

Practice Centering Prayer for 7-10 days, making observations daily, then making observations at the end of the 7-10 days. Questions such as the following are helpful for observation:

– How has God met you?

– What have you learned about yourself?

– What are you still wondering about?

– As you have gone about your days, what has the silence made possible in you?

– Are there any ways of responding or operating that you have been surprised by? (Have you been more patient, at peace, easygoing, focused, etc.)

The Fruit of Silence

A few months ago, my teenage son and I were talking on the couch. We both had a question we didn’t know the answer to. He immediately went to pick up the phone to get an answer. I said, “Stop!” and suggested that we not pursue answers from our devices but to keep the conversation going. We sat and talked, resisting the urge to pick up our phones and answer our questions. In that time, we experienced uninterrupted and deeper presence with one another. We went for about an hour, and at the end of our time, each said, “We enjoyed that.” 

Together, we chose to:

– Silence outside noise from our phone.

– Quiet our bodies to settle into the space between us.

– Listen more deeply to one another by not introducing an interruption. 

The gifts of presence, joy, and a lingering delight of deeper connection came from these times. 

In Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster says that joy is the keynote of spiritual practices. May the practice of silence bring greater joy, delight, and freedom. In doing so, may we actively and passively engage the demands of our world so that we might know what is ours to do and respond to for the good of the world.