Seasons of Purpose: Finding Meaning when life gets Messy

We hear a lot about how important it is to have purpose in life—and for good reason. Purpose is a core tenet of a healthy spirituality. But sometimes the pressure to figure out what gives our lives ultimate meaning and how to share our giftings and talents with the world is overwhelming and can even feel unachievable. The expectation has become kind of like when we transfer the tidy, satisfying storylines of romantic comedies onto our own life expectations—real life is not a predictable 5–point story arc that always has a satisfying end to every conflict or pain point. Life is messy and complicated, often bringing us bittersweet resolutions or outcomes. 

What Does it Mean to Have a Purpose? 

We realize that the narrative around purpose can feel like a lot of pressure and so weighty, like we have to change the world on some global scale or we have failed, but purpose isn’t meant to be a burden. Society can portray purpose in a way that feels unattainable for many of us, which can provoke so much anxiety about purpose, when really, purpose is just in our wiring and about living into things we love and are naturally gifted in, in ways that benefit more than just ourselves. In its purest form, having purpose in life is not meant to be something else to overthink and endlessly ruminate on, but to extend our love to the world around us. Purpose is not always related to our jobs or professions, but it is related to how we communicate our gifts and contribute. Our purposes ultimately reflect what is meaningful to us. 

Having purpose simply means to use our gifts and talents for others and a bigger purpose—no matter how big or small our impact may be. Purpose helps us contribute to our world and live into our deepest longings.

Why is Having Purpose Good for Our Wellbeing?

Having a sense of purpose is often associated with positive psychological emotions such as gratitude and awe. When we are connected with our purpose, we are focused on something greater than ourselves, which fosters satisfaction and joy with our lives and decreases our own self-absorption. 

Purpose reinforces our sense of agency—our ability to exercise control over our own lives—and our sense of confidence—our belief in our ability to exercise that control well. 

In this conversation about purpose, it is important to point out that purpose is only part of the equation of healthy spirituality and a joy-filled life—it alone does not equal personal satisfaction, health, or happiness. A life full of purpose can still be out of balance. Dr. William Damon, professor, author, and lifespan developmental psychologist, says, “[Purpose] is not the total answer to life—it’s one capacity we have.” Purpose doesn’t necessarily bring ethics or automatic happiness. It catalyzes many things and can contribute to positive psychological benefits such as a sense of fulfillment and gratitude, but it’s not the answer to life in and of itself.

Does Our Purpose Always Stay the Same?

We all have inherent giftings that shape how we ground ourselves in purpose and give back to the world, but the shape our purpose takes is not static. It is not a singular goal to strive breathlessly for, all the while racked with anxiety over the pressure, feelings of failure and uncertainty. The book of Ecclesiastes tells us that there are many different types of seasons we can expect in life—seasons to cry, laugh, grieve, to search and to quit searching. Who we are and the landscape of our lives evolves over time through a series of seasons and life experiences—isn’t it also fair to say that we have many purposes in life, unveiled in each season of life, which evolve with these seasons and life experiences? 

Our emotional, mental, physical, and time capacities fluctuate (raising kids, sickness, divorce) and our surroundings change (jobs, homes, schools). When we are swirling in a transitory season, or experiencing great suffering, the ever present message of purpose can seem tone deaf and maybe even hurtful. The message of searching for purpose during times of uncertainty and pain isn’t always the anchor we are searching for in those moments. 

Figuring Out What is Meaningful to You Right Now

One way to look at the thought of finding purpose in challenging times may be that there is purpose in every season, but we shouldn’t be burdened with pressure—internal or external—to identify and intentionally live into it in real time. Sometimes, rest—even curiosity or play—is a necessary part of living purposefully and hindsight is the chosen illuminating teacher.

No matter our season, practicing keeping a lighthearted and open-postured mind can help us be emotionally and mentally agile through disruption and changing circumstances. Our research at the Thrive Center points to five ways we can cultivate this kind of agility. These practices can help you stay connected to joy and in tune with what matters most to you, even during (and maybe, especially during) hard times. Choose one step that feels accessible for you, or work through each one as a practice. These five A’s of Agility were developed by Dr. Pam King. 

1. Attune: Listen to your emotions, and find practices that will regulate your emotions and bodily sensations.
   1. Scan your body for places of tension. Are you feeling joy? Anger? Stress? If so, why? Where do those feelings show up in your body (e.g., stiff neck, back pain, etc.)?
   2. Take a 5-minute walk to limit distractions and tune into your emotions.
   3. Practice mindful breathing techniques. Take a deep inhale for five seconds, and slowly exhale for another 5 seconds. Repeat this exercise, extending your exhale for a few more seconds than your inhale. This is very calming for the emotions and takes you out of fight or flight mode.

1. Aware: Reflect on what your emotions are telling you. How do they help you understand what matters most to you?
   1. Practice journaling daily. There’s no wrong way to journal. Get started by dumping all your thoughts and feelings onto a page.
   2. Name and release your emotions in a safe and trusted space. When feeling overwhelmed, find a close, dependable friend, a licensed professional therapist[1] or a leader in your community who will support and listen to you without judgment.
   3. Practice emotional agility.[2] Learn to face your emotions with curiosity, compassion, and courage.
   4. Accept your emotions without judgment. Avoid sweeping them under the rug.

1. Align: Take active steps to align your actions and behaviors with your beliefs, values, and what matters most to you.
   1. Practice introspection. Ask yourself on a daily basis whether your actions and decisions are aligned to your values and beliefs. Note any misalignments.
   2. Name what is important to you when you meditate or pray. Where is your life heading?
   3. Create space between your reactions and actions. Be aware of any weaknesses in order to increase your emotional intelligence and make conscious decisions.

1. Activate: Utilize the resources and stay connected with the people around you as you activate your purpose.
   1. Explore your gifts, skills, and talents through meaning-making exercises, Strengths Finder, or other similar tools. 
   2. Consider your long-term, future goals. Are they aligned to your purpose and what you value most in life?
   3. Find ways to contribute to your community. How can you use your gifts, skills, and talents to serve those around you?
   4. Tap into gratitude and joy. How might these give you insight into where you feel most purposeful?

1. Assess: Evaluate how it is going. What have you learned about yourself?
   1. Return to your journal and re-examine your goals. Where have you been? Where do you want to go?
   2. Be open to feedback. Ask a trusted and supportive friend for advice.
   3. Seek to understand yourself and avoid blame for mistakes made. Be honest with yourself. Where do you feel shame? Joy? Confusion?