Can We Become Happier?

Yale psychologist and researcher, Dr. Laurie Santos, says the answer is, yes, there are scientifically-supported practices that can rewire our minds to become happier, but there is a caveat—we first must come to terms with the fact that our intuitions about what will bring us happiness tend to be incorrect. Things that we often strive for like career advancement, money, good grades, getting married, or even relaxing with a good movie aren’t really the things that bring us true happiness. Santos teaches these concepts in her class, “Psychology and the Good Life,” the most popular class in Yale’s history, which is now available online to the general public as the course, “The Science of Well-Being.” She is also host of the popular podcast, “The Happiness Lab.”

In 2018, thirty O Magazine staffers signed up for her 30-day course, “The Science of Well-Being,” and, as one of the participants put it, when she read through the assignments she “suppressed the world’s loudest ‘duh’” at the sheer simplicity of it all. But by the end of the course, she shared a confessionary anecdote of how maybe the course had improved her happiness even amid her skepticism: On an evening subway ride, she was inclined to feel resentful towards a seat mate, whom she had decided was being inconsiderate, when another voice in her head whispered something like, “Why not cut her a break?” The focus on happiness had, to her surprise, begun to rewire her previous automatic tendencies towards frustration into a more relaxed mindset. There is great power in developing practices around positive emotions.

What are the most common practices Santos says will actually make us happier?

Social Connection: Prioritizing meaningful social connections with people we care about.
Community: Finding a place where we fit in and belong, and are loved and supported.
Purpose and Meaning: Being part of something that is greater than ourselves.
Gratitude: Expressing gratitude connects us with positive emotions.
Savoring: Pausing in awareness in order to reorient towards our own happiness.
Exercise: Movement changes our brain to be able to experience more joy.
Sleep: Recharging sufficiently each night is closely linked with our mood and quality of life.

Does going to church make us happier?

For Christians (and many other religious traditions) being a part of a local church is arguably a ranking value. Santos states that religion is actually unique in that its framework intrinsically values and provides structure for more of these happiness practices in one place than pretty much any other organization or group. In a 2022 interview with the New York Times, she is quoted saying, “There’s a lot of evidence that religious people are happier in a sense of life satisfaction and positive emotion in the moment.” However, it is not singularly our personal religious beliefs that make us feel this way, she says, but following through with actions based on our beliefs.

With this in mind, she observes that the unique offering of a church community is that it is a “cultural apparatus” for us to live out our beliefs. Living out our beliefs is what actually gives us more happiness, and it is exceedingly easier “if [we] have a cultural apparatus around [us].”

The book of Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, but…encouraging one another…” The apostle Paul is describing this very type of “apparatus”—a church community where we can live out love, service, and practices with like-minded people.

Santos also says, “In order to obtain the benefits of religion, it is better for religious people to get together.” The framework in organized religion provides pathways to serve others, to build a relational network, and encourages practices of gratitude and forgiveness. Other communities, practices, or institutions can offer some of these elements, for sure, but most do not provide the complete framework that supports ultimate meaning, purpose, and spiritual health.

What’s the difference between joy and happiness?

When we say we want more happiness, we are seeking more positive feelings. Joy is also a positive emotion, but it’s more substantial—it is a virtue. Happiness feels good, but it is a temporary emotion that is experienced during uplifting or fulfilling moments. Joy is the undercurrent that abides deep within us as a true protective mechanism against the tough times in life. Joy is imbued with meaning and deeply linked to what matters most to us. It produces resiliency and the capacity for more moments of happiness.

Even in distinguishing this difference, the good news is that finding joy looks a lot like finding happiness, though they can and sometimes do exist either concurrently or individually. Dr. Pam King’s understanding of joy as a virtue means that joy is a practice that can be habituated. Many people experience joy when they feel deeply connected to God, loved ones, or to a sense of being part of something bigger. But joy can also be nurtured as a way of being in the world. For example, attending church gives us an outlet for purpose. When we find ways to fulfill our purpose in life, such as serving others in our own way, it makes our lives feel meaningful, and having meaning is directly linked to having joy. Practicing joy may be as simple as performing a small act of kindness for your neighbor, or acknowledging that we are loved for our authentic selves by those around us—each of these components cements our knowing that, no matter what, it will all work out. And that is the bedrock of joy. With joy as our steady anchor, happiness can flourish, too.

Joy provides us stability in between our moments of happiness. It is so stabilizing, in fact, that while happiness can elude us during times of difficulty, it is possible to still have joy during sorrow, suffering, and uncertainty, because joy is rooted in knowing our life has meaning, there is always hope, and that ultimately, everything will work out in the end, no matter our present situation.

Practice: Take a happiness inventory

How do you think your life is going?

Assessing our life cognitively, by how we think it is going, is one side of taking a “happiness inventory” according to Dr. Santos. She says this is really about answering the question, “How satisfied are you with your life?”

How do you feel your life is going? Can you estimate the ratio of positive/negative emotions you experience on a weekly basis?

Dr. Santos says that thriving is about a mixture of both positive and negative emotions—we can’t expect to be fully free of negative emotions—but that balancing between joy and contentment and anxiety and frustration is the real key.

Is there something you have been striving for in an effort to become happier? Is it scientifically backed or is it intuition based?

Upon reflection, if there has been a focus in your life that you believe will bring you happiness, yet does not fall into one of the scientifically-backed practices, think on how you can increase one of the scientifically-proven happiness practices, while holding your intuition-based desire with a more open hand.

What is a practical step towards increasing a happiness practice in your life?

Perhaps it is calling a friend, setting an earlier bedtime, joining a group with like-minded values such as a book club, service organization, or church group, taking more walks, or pausing for a moment of gratitude.

Can We Become Happier?